I killed Yasser Arafat!

All this hullaballoo about exhuming Yasser Arafat, to do an autopsy on his bloated, maggot-infested carcass, investigating if maybe he didn't die of natural causes, is absolutely ridiculous.  We all know who they're going to blame when (not if) they "discover" he was poisoned.  Maybe Israel did do it, and maybe we didn't.  All I can say is we should have, and if  we didn't, it is cause for national embarrassment.

Contrast this with what happens when there's a terrorist attack ר"ל, and all the terrorist organizations from the Al Aqsa Martyrs brigade to the Zoabi Zero Zionists League are falling over each other to claim responsibility for the massacre of innocent civilians.  One might think that someone would take some pride in claiming the scalp of that murderous savage.

So if nobody else is going to do it, then I'm going to preempt the inevitable blame with my own claim, and announce for all the world to know:

I killed Yasser Arafat!

(With Polonium-210, in the ballroom.)

Anyone else want to join me in claiming responsibility?  Sign up here.

Livni's most spectacular blunder - ever!

Eeeexcellent!

It really takes a lot to say this, but I think today Tzipi Livni has topped all her previous loser decisions.  Not content with sulkily quitting politics after losing the Kadima primaries to Shaul Mofaz, she recently decided to announce her political comeback.  Having been offered the number 2 slot in both the Labor and Yesh Atid parties, she decided she wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone else, and today she announced the formation of a fourth center-left party, with the goal of uniting the center left.  If you don't understand that reasoning, you don't understand Tzipi Livni.  For my part, I just keep doing my Mr Burns impression...

But the real kicker, the coup de grace of this new misadventure, is the name she has chosen for her new party:

The Movement

Her political adversaries are stunned.  Where, oh where, to begin?  The possibilities are endless!  Look on the Israeli news sites - the talkbackers are having an absolute field day.  It's open season on toilet humor!

I'm sure her focus groups had something else in mind when they came up with this name.  But there was clearly a lot of groupthink at work here from the yes-men with whom she has surrounded herself.  Didn't even one of them think of the other connotations of the word?  And yes, before you ask, it's the same idiomatic expression in Hebrew: תנועת מעיים is a bowel movement.

I, for one, was literally ROTFL today, like I haven't been in months.  Maybe years.  Tzipi Livni, you have made so many people happy today.  Your movement has brought relief to the entire country - albeit of the comic variety.  Today you have justified your existence on this planet.  We love you!

Letter to Mr Netanyahu

I just posted this letter to the Israel Prime Minister.  I'll update if I get a response.  Meanwhile, what are your thoughts about this?

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Dear Mr Netanyahu,

Firstly, I commend you on your masterful handling of diplomacy in conducting this war in Gaza.  When even Catherine Ashton finds herself forced to issue supportive statements of Israel, one has to say that you are doing things really well.  In the age of Twitter and Facebook, international diplomacy is no less important than the actions of the troops on the ground.  Kol hakavod!

As an Israeli citizen (and, I might add, a Likud branch committee member here in Beit Shemesh), I would like to understand, though - what is your goal in this military operation?

I ask, because I remember Operation Cast Lead not so long ago, when our forces went in, dusted up a few terrorist hot spots, and then left.  At the cost of a miraculously small number of lives, and a huge amount of defence budget.  Now, 6 years later, Hamas is stronger than it was before Cast Lead, and our position in the international community is weaker than ever in our history.

Is this going to be Operation Cast Lead II, where we go in again, dust out a few more terrorist sites, and walk out again, so that in another 5 or 6 years we can do it all over again, but perhaps next time against a Hamas armed with "dirty" nuclear bombs?

I trust that you are in the best position in the country to judge our strategic position, and I do not presume to say that I could make better decisions from my armchair than you do.  But from my limited perspective, I cannot understand why we would bother wasting our resources on a military adventure of this scale of risk and expense, and putting the entire country through the trauma of war, if we do not intend to prosecute it to its logical conclusion: vanquishing the enemy outright and reconquering Gaza.  I don't care how much the world would condemn us for it; their condemnations are worth nothing against the hundreds or thousands of Jewish lives it would save, and the million people living under constant threat of attack.

So I would just like to understand from you: what is the goal of this operation?  And if you do not intend to re-take Gaza, then how are you planning to prevent this situation from happening again after the "ceasefire", once Hamas has had time to re-stock their arsenal with the best of Iranian and North Korean weaponry?

May the G-d of Israel bless you and your ministers with wisdom, so that you may guide us to a resounding victory over our enemies!

Sincerely, and with best wishes,

Shaul B