My Election Challenge

A few days ago a friend of mine remarked to me how much he hates elections.  "We're going to have three solid months of sin'as chinam now," he lamented.  I have been reflecting on his words, and thinking, does it really have to be this way?

A few months ago, the whole of Israel was united as one for 18 days, while we searched and prayed for Eyal, Gilad and Naftali.  כאיש אחד בלב אחד - like one person with one heart.  It didn't matter if you were secular, Dati Leumi or Charedi, left-wing or right-wing.  And we were all broken hearted together when the terrible news became known.

Why should it be that we can only be united when we are faced with crisis and tragedy?  Why should we shatter that unity just because we are choosing a new government?

Think positive - Talk positive - Be positive

Let's fantasize for a few minutes.  Imagine that for the next three months of electoral campaigning, all parties and candidates would present themselves with compelling and positive arguments why you should vote for them, without demonizing, excoriating, ridiculing, lambasting or even criticizing their competitors.  Imagine complete mutual respect between all political parties, and everyone being particular to disagree about issues, and never descending to ad hominem attacks, let alone smearing entire communities.  Imagine if all of us armchair political commentators, on blogs, Facebook and talkbacks, would hold ourselves to this standard of always writing respectfully and gracefully, really trying to understand the other person.  And where we must disagree, then agree to disagree - and yet always treat the other as befits a tzelem Elokim, someone created in the image of God.

את חטאי אני מזכיר היום; I confess I have been guilty of publicly besmirching political figures in the past.  I therefore wish to apologize in the same forum for my past transgressions.  I am sorry for speaking loshon hora and adding fuel to the fire of baseless hatred.  And I undertake to change my ways.  Any time I feel the need to post something, I will keep my contributions as much as possible to the positive presentation of good ideas, and if I feel the need to criticize something, I will weigh up if it is really necessary and beneficial to air my views in public, and if it is, I will confine myself only to arguing about the issues, and never attacking the person.

I hope you will join me in this.  The satan is already rubbing his proverbial hands in glee, in anticipation of all the division and hatred that usually accompanies election season.  For every person who is able to overcome their nature and restrain themselves from saying or writing things that will increase machlokes, but rather relates to people with whom they disagree with honor and respect, we will surely increase the merits of Am Yisrael.  And who knows?  Maybe our reward will be a that we get a stable, functional government whose leaders and ministers will likewise care for the needs of all sectors of the population.  That idea sounds almost like Messianic times, doesn't it?

The Kachlon Conspiracy

Rafi asks a great question:

If Moshe Kachlon is so smart and talented, and I think he probably is, along with charismatic and dynamic with leadership abilities, why is he starting a new party?
I mean, doesn't he see how all these new parties were basically one-time wonders and then faded into obscurity? even the most successful of them all, Kadima, barely made it through two elections.. why does he think his party will be any different? He should have stayed with the Likud.
The worst part of it is that a guy like Kachlon, and the big names who I am sure will be on his list, will soon fade into obscurity just like those all before him, and that would be such a loss to the political system.

I was originally going to answer in the comments on his blog, but the more I thought about it, the more I figure the answer deserves a blog entry of its own.

My answer is not that Moshe Kachlon isn't smart or talented.  It's that Binyamin Netanyahu is extremely smart (he reportedly has an IQ of 180), and knows how to plan for the future.

First up, let's rewind a few years to before the previous elections, and put ourselves into the shoes of a genius-intelligence Prime Minister.  You look at the polls and conclude that you're going to sort-of win the coming elections, but be stuck with yet another scrappy coalition.  Every election it's the same thing: some new one-hit-wonder party claims to represent the disaffected "center", "middle class", or whatever, and walks off with a chunk of swing seats that is big enough to make or break a coalition.  This time it's Yair Lapid.  Last time it was Olmert with Kadima.  Before him was Tommy Lapid and Shinui.  And all of them come with their demands that you simply cannot ignore when drawing up your coalition agreement.  Wouldn't it be nice if for once, just once, the new kid on the block turned out to be someone who is ideologically aligned with you, and will actually play nicely once he's in government?

Hmm... thinks... what if, what if... what if I had to prepare already now for the election after this one?  I'll have to make do with a coalition with Lapid this time around... but why not prepare the ground already for next time, and have someone friendly lined up, ready to take the swing votes?  But who?  Someone popular, someone whom I can trust... wait!  What about... Moshe Kachlon?  We'll have him resign gracefully from politics for the time being... make noises about how we regret his decision and hope he'll reconsider... and then next election, he can start his own party, ride on the his popularity that we'll cryogenically freeze now... and he can take the regular 15-20 seats reserved for the flavor-of-the-season "centrist" party... and then yesh lanu esek!  No more need to lean on whiny, treacherous coalition partners... at last we will have a stable government!

So what do you think of this benign conspiracy theory?  Here are some backup facts: Moshe Kachlon is a stalwart Likudnik, whose economic and social views to date have been very much in line with Netanyahu's.  He's not your typical "centrist"; in fact, he was one of the 13 Likud loyalists who voted against the Disengagement.

If I'm right, Kachlon will be given a very senior position in the coming coalition.  And as to the point Rafi raised that he will disappear into obscurity at the next elections - that's only if he doesn't merge his party into the Likud, and grab a spot at the top there.

But then what will be with the next election?  Who will grab the "center" vote if Moshe Kachlon is tainted by his return to the Likud?

Why, Gidon Saar, of course...

I go viral!

2021 Update: see here

I have a confession to make: for years, it's been one of my private ambitions to start a viral Internet hoax.  I am fascinated by what makes people forward/like/share information that is obviously fake.  I haven't really been trying that hard, but I have made some lame attempts at an over-the-top virus warning, and created a phony Facebook competition to win a million dollars that attracted absolutely zero interest.

And then, a few days ago, in a moment of frustration at Israel's lame leadership, I penned the speech I wish we could hear from our Prime Minister ending it with the line, "... and then I awoke, and it was all a dream", and shared it on Facebook.

Nothing much came of that, or so I thought.  A few people commented on the article, and there were one or two shares.  And that was it.

Until a few days later, when someone forwarded to me the entire text of my speech, minus the last line.  In other words, they believed this was a real speech, and had sent it to me because they thought I would take heart from it.

I did.  I so did!  At first, I sat staring at the screen, open mouthed, then as I checked the "forwarded" thread to see how many degrees of forwarding this mail had gone through, I broke into a huge smile, a laugh, and I actually started jumping for joy.  Really.

I had done it!  Without even trying!  My fictional prose - my very own! - had gone viral as a chain email hoax!

To whoever took the trouble to copy and paste my text into email without attribution: I forgive you.  And I love you.  With rockets flying in all directions around my ears, you have made my month.  Thank you.

Breaking News: Netanyahu's speech to Hamas

2021 Update: see here

Breaking news: Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu just made the following speech in front of the Knesset:

To Ismail Haniya, and the leaders and operatives of Hamas:

We, the people of Israel, owe you a huge debt of gratitude.  You have succeeded where we have failed.  Because never before, in the history of the modern State of Israel, has the Jewish people been so united, like one person with one heart.  You stole three of our most precious children, and slaughtered them in cold blood.  But before we could discover the horrible truth, we had 18 days of pain and anxiety while we searched for them, during which our nation united as never before, in prayer, in hopes, in mutual support.

And now, as you continue to launch deadly missiles indiscriminately, intended to maim and murder as many civilians as possible, while you take cowardly refuge behind your own civilians - you continue to inspire us to hold strongly onto our newly discovered unity.  Whatever disputes we Jews may have with each other, we now know that we have one common goal: we will defeat you.

But we are offering you now one last chance.  Within 24 hours, all rocket fire - and I mean all rocket fire - will cease.  Completely.  Forever.

I give you formal notice that our tanks are massed at the Gaza border, with artillery and air support at the ready.  We have already dropped leaflets over the northern parts of the Gaza strip, warning civilians of our impending arrival, and that they should evacuate southward, forthwith.  If you fail to meet our ultimatum, we are coming in, and, with God's help, this time we will not leave.  Every centimeter of land that we conquer will be annexed to Israel, so that there will never be another attack launched at our civilians from there.

Even so, we will continue to keep the door open to allow you to surrender gracefully.  The moment you announce that you are laying down arms, we will halt our advance, and there we will draw our new borders.  If you continue to attack our citizens, we will continue to roll southwards, driving you out of territory that you will never again contaminate with your evil presence.

It pains me deeply that your civilians will be made homeless.  But we did not choose this war; you did.  And if our choice is between allowing our citizens to be targeted mercilessly by your genocidal savagery, versus turning your civilians into refugees, I regret that we must choose the latter.  If only you loved your people as much as you hate ours, this war would never have happened.

To the rest of the world: Israel has tired of your ceaseless chidings that we should "show restraint".  When you have your entire population under constant missile fire from an implacable enemy whose stated goal is the of murder every man, woman and child in your land, then you may come and talk to us about "restraint".  Until then, we respectfully suggest that you keep your double standards to yourselves.  This time, Hamas has gone too far, and we will do whatever we have to in order to protect our population.

Hamas, once again, I thank you for bringing our people together with such clarity of mind and unity of purpose.  The people of Israel do not fear the long road ahead.  Am Yisrael Chai.


... and then I awoke, and it was all a dream...

True story: The Gabbai Tzedaka and the Loan Shark

This is a remarkable true story, which I have shared at many a shabbos table and other forums over the past year or so.  Based on the reactions I've had, I decided to put it on my blog, so that it can be shared by the world at large, rather than being restricted to those social gatherings with low enough standards to both admit me and grant me speaking time.

Chabad in Pahar Ganj, Delhi

On one of my business trips to Delhi, India, around a year ago, I was required to stay over for shabbos, where I was most grateful to be able to take advantage of the hospitality of the local Chabad.  There were around 50 guests at shabbos supper, almost exclusively Israeli post-army backpackers.  By my reckoning there were only maybe 2 or 3 other people over the age of 25.  One of those was AY, a thoughtful, softly-spoken fellow of about 50.  I asked him if he was also here on business, and he said no, he's just here to clear his head and have some time off.

Later that evening AY was invited to give a d'var Torah.  This is the story he told (in Hebrew), to which I hope I have done justice in English here, both factual and literary.

I live in the Golan Heights.  Among other things I do, I serve the community as a gabbai tzedaka (one who collects and distributes funds for the needy).  We have a system in the Golan: most of the time each community looks after its own, but sometimes there's a case of extreme need, when all the communities will band together in order to help someone.

A few weeks ago, I got called into one such emergency meeting of all the Golan community gabbaei tzedaka.  There was a fellow - we'll call him Reuven - who had gotten into some hard times.  Having exhausted his credit line at the bank, he went and borrowed on the black market, from a loan shark by the name of Mordechai G.  Borrowing on the black market is a pretty poor situation to be in, because not only do they charge horrifying interest rates, tens of times higher than the banks, but if you don't pay them back, let's just say that they don't bother seeking court judgments against you.  Anyway, Reuven had borrowed a large amount of money for a business deal that went sour.  When he could not pay back what he owed, he started finding his car tires slashed and his house windows broken - but he refused to beg for charity... until one day the loan shark's goons intercepted his kids on the way home from school and roughed them up.  At this point he came for help, by which stage his debt had compounded to 1.5 million shekels.

Now, that is a pretty staggering amount.  We did our best, and made an emergency appeal throughout the Golan communities.  People really did dig deep.  I'm proud to say that within a matter of days we had raised a quarter of a million shekels, which is truly a remarkable achievement.  But still, only one sixth of the required amount.  We gabbaim met again, and decided that our only hope was to request a meeting with the loan shark, Mordechai G. himself.  So it was that one morning we gathered together a respectable delegation of 5 people, including some senior community Rabbonim and myself, and drove down to a hotel in Tverya, where Mordechai G. had agreed to meet us.

When we entered, it was like a scene from a bad gangster movie.  Mordechai G., a hefty man with a most intimidating glare, was sitting on a couch behind a coffee table, with two goons standing behind, flanking him with their arms folded.  I would have laughed if their presence hadn't been so terrifying.  He motioned for us to sit.  After we did so, the senior Rav spoke up:

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with us.  As you know, we're here about the matter of Reuven and the 1.5 million shekels he owes you... we have done our best, and the community has really pulled together for him... we have managed to raise 250,000 shekels to cover his debts.  We hope that you can understand the difficulty of repaying such a large amount, and perhaps, out of the goodness of your heart, you might consider easing his terms, or maybe-"

And suddenly, in the middle of the Rav's sentence, Mordechai G. sprang to his feet, flipped the table upside down and smashed it on the floor.

"I WANT THE MONEY!" he snarled. 

We were all frozen.  Nobody knew what to do or say.  And then, before I knew what I was doing, I spoke up.

"OK, I'll get you your money."

He looked at me angrily.  "What are you talking about?  Just a minute ago you told me you didn't have the money!  Now you say you do!  Don't mess me around!"

"Come and talk to me privately," I said.  "If you like what I've got to say, then great.  And if not, you're no worse off than you are now."

He contemplated this suspiciously for a few seconds, then nodded agreement, and started leading me towards an adjoining room.  I honestly had absolutely no idea what I was going to say; all I could do in those 15 seconds as we were walking was daven that Hashem would put some idea into my head and the right words in my mouth.

So we got into the next room and closed the door.  He turned to scowl at me, his thumbs tucked into his belt.  "Nu?"

Baruch Hashem, I found something to say.  "Firstly, I want you to understand that the five of us who came here today, did not come here because we're making any money on this deal.  On the contrary, it's costing us all in time and resources.  We're all working men and we have plenty of other responsibilities.  But we decided to spend our morning coming to meet you.  Why?  Because it's a mitzvah - a mitzvah of pidyon shevuyim (redeeming a hostage) - and for a mitzvah like this, we believe we will receive an eternal reward in the Next World that is worth infinitely more than any money in this world.  So here's the deal I'm offering you: firstly, we'll give you all the money we brought with us: 250,000 shekels.  Then, on top of that, I can't make any offers on behalf of my companions, but I'll offer you my own reward in the Next World for the fulfillment of this mitzva, if you will forgive the rest of the debt."

Mordechai G. was now looking at me as if I had just climbed out of an alien space ship.  He stood there in silence for a few seconds, and I was starting to wonder if he was sizing up how he was going to dispose of my body.  Then, suddenly his face relaxed, he pulled his right hand out of his belt and stuck it out at me.

"It's a deal," he said, grasping my hand.  I was in total shock as we shook.  "But -" he added, gripping my hand more firmly, and pointing his left index finger threateningly at me, "you may never tell anyone else about our deal.  Because if word gets out that Mordechai G. forgave a loan, my business is finished."

"You have my word," I promised.  And so we left the room and announced to all present that the debt had been settled, and there would be no further need of discussion.  My companions were gobsmacked.  All the way home they pressed me, and all I could tell them was that I could not tell them.  And so I thought that forever I would carry this secret around in my heart, never able to tell anyone.

The next day, I again had cause to drive down to the Kinneret.  Driving along the road that skirts the shores of the lake, I saw up ahead the flashing lights of a number of emergency vehicles stopped on the side.  I pulled over to see if there was anything I could do to help.  There was a young policeman, very agitated, who told me what had just happened.

He had been doing routine checks on passing cars, pulling them over, checking their licenses, etc.  He pulled over one car, in which the driver - the only occupant - was not wearing his seat belt.  "I'm sorry, sir, but that's a 400 shekel fine for not wearing your seatbelt."  The driver flapped his hand at him contemptuously.  "Pah!  So give me four.  I don't care; that kind of money is nothing to me.  I am Mordechai G., and I drive without a seatbelt."  So the policeman gave him a ticket, which he tossed onto the passenger seat; so doing, he slammed the car back into gear, flattened his foot on the accelerator, took off like a rocket... lost control of the car and slammed into a nearby tree.  He was declared dead by the paramedics on the scene.

So, now that Mordechai G. is no more, I am released from my promise, and this is why I am telling you this story today.  I still don't know what to make of it; there is so much to think about, and I will leave the interpretation to you. 

I've had a year to think about it, and I've taken a few messages from AY's story.  What do you think?