Livni's most spectacular blunder - ever!

Eeeexcellent!

It really takes a lot to say this, but I think today Tzipi Livni has topped all her previous loser decisions.  Not content with sulkily quitting politics after losing the Kadima primaries to Shaul Mofaz, she recently decided to announce her political comeback.  Having been offered the number 2 slot in both the Labor and Yesh Atid parties, she decided she wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone else, and today she announced the formation of a fourth center-left party, with the goal of uniting the center left.  If you don't understand that reasoning, you don't understand Tzipi Livni.  For my part, I just keep doing my Mr Burns impression...

But the real kicker, the coup de grace of this new misadventure, is the name she has chosen for her new party:

The Movement

Her political adversaries are stunned.  Where, oh where, to begin?  The possibilities are endless!  Look on the Israeli news sites - the talkbackers are having an absolute field day.  It's open season on toilet humor!

I'm sure her focus groups had something else in mind when they came up with this name.  But there was clearly a lot of groupthink at work here from the yes-men with whom she has surrounded herself.  Didn't even one of them think of the other connotations of the word?  And yes, before you ask, it's the same idiomatic expression in Hebrew: תנועת מעיים is a bowel movement.

I, for one, was literally ROTFL today, like I haven't been in months.  Maybe years.  Tzipi Livni, you have made so many people happy today.  Your movement has brought relief to the entire country - albeit of the comic variety.  Today you have justified your existence on this planet.  We love you!

Another wild translation

I saw this over a year ago, and took this photo, then forgot about it. Today I was cleaning out my cellphone pictures, and I found it again:

Don't trust translation software!

This one is just too precious not to share. I picked this up from my mailbox a few minutes ago:What more can I say?

The safest place for your life's savings?

With the world's financial crisis, many people have joked that the safest place for your money is under your mattress.

Well, apparently that's not necessarily so!

An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress with $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites.

The woman told Army Radio that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise on Monday and threw out the old one, only to discover that her mother had hidden her life savings inside.

But look at what she has to say about this misfortune - a profound Jewish response:

For her part, Anat said it could be worse. "People have to take everything in proportion and thank God for the good and the bad," she said.

Kol hakavod, Anat! That is a kiddush Hashem. May He restore your mother's lost money!

Venomous drink?

Just a little bit of fun... I spotted this sign in my local supermarket today:

RC = ארסי = poisonous, venomous, toxic, virulent

Man, does that stuff pack a punch!

Lomdishe Graffiti

Mas'as Mordechai is a major beis midrash in my street, and I've recently started a chavrusa there in the mornings. For the convenience of the many people learning there, they have an automatic beverage vending machine, which produces a reasonable tasting vehicle for the morning caffeine kick, plus several other liquids said to taste of tea, coffee and other popular beverages.

On this machine is a sign attesting to the kashrus of all the drinks. Since some of the drinks contain chometz (chicory, I guess), they also felt the need to assure potential buyers that they need have no concern about the chometz having been in Jewish ownership over Pesach. The sign said something to the effect of:

כל המשקאות הינם ללא חשש חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח
(Loosely translated: All the drinks are above suspicion of being chometz that was owned by a Jew over Pesach)

But some learned joker has gone and strategically inserted two commas, so that the sign reads:

כל המשקאות הינם, ללא חשש, חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח
(Loosely translated: All the drinks are, without any doubt, chometz that was owned by a Jew over Pesach)

Touché!

What NOT to put on a T-shirt

Every now and then when I want a good laugh, I visit Engrish.com for some very funny attempts at English in the Far East.

Apparently this kind of pseudo-English is not confined to the Orient, though. I went to mincha at a local shul a few days ago, and was treated to a rather disturbing sight. One of the mispallelim was wearing a T-shirt with a slogan emlazoned, in large, bold white on black: "RAPER MEN".

After davening, I discreetly called him aside, and asked him if he understood much English. Nope. Clearly not. I explained to him in my best Hebrew what the slogan on his shirt meant. Oops. He won't be wearing that shirt again. (I decided not to photograph him for Engrish.com!)

What was it supposed to say? "Rapper men"? "Paper men"?

Moral of the story: don't wear garments with slogans in a language you don't understand!